I live-tweeted the Macy's parade yesterday, so I thought I'd put it here for those of you non-twitterers out there. It'll be like what I write about awards shows, but shorter paragraphs! Except for where I combined several tweets in one.
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Time to watch the Macy's parade and complain that it's not a real parade! The Rose Parade, now that's a parade.
There's
Spidey!
They are starting with a jillion cheerleader routine. And of course the cameras caught one of them just toppling like a tree.
The Kermit balloon is looking a little short on helium. Either that, or he's showing his age, because he looks wrinkly around the mouth.
Can they even pretend for a minute that this is a parade and not an advertisement for NBC shows? Um, nope! Watch Mercy!
Okay, a performance from
Hair, no complaints here.
Meredith Viera: "Hippies, as they were called, let their hair grow long to celebrate their new freedom of expression and camaraderie." It wasn't that long ago, Meredith, and they are still around today! It's like she's talking about a far off historical time.
Now I love
Hair, but this is what I mean, they aren't on a float, they are performing at the spot where the parade will be in 3 hours.
Where's Will? Is he not with the show anymore or couldn't he get up this early?
INTERVIEWING LINUS ROACHE AS THE PARADE MARCHES BEHIND HIM IS NOT TELEVISING A PARADE!
Man, John Stamos was not born to lip-synch.
It's not that this isn't a parade so much as the fact that NBC works as hard as it can to show as little of the actual parade as possible. Some of us like watching parades. Can we see a little of this one, maybe? They show a little bit aerially, then Al interviews a minor celebrity working for NBC, then they show a Broadway number in front of Macy's. It's the Macy's Talk Show where the gimmick is that it happens with a parade going on just out of camera range.
Apparently, the parade exists because of the immigrants who worked at Macy's in the day wanted a European festival! Take that, Lou Dobbs!
Finally, they deign to show the parade, it doesn't exist until it gets to 34th, so why does the show start an hour before then? O yeah, ads!
Eek! Scary giant pilgrim heads of yore! That must have been a terrifying parade long ago.
Jane Krakowski, you are lip synching, why are you holding a mic? Love her, hate this song.
Finally they are showing the parade, only to stop it dead so that Jane can sing a terrible song on the Ocean Spray float. I think that's so that a million people across this great land can say, "Holy cats, I forgot to buy the cranberry sauce!"
Who the hell is Mitchel Musso? Hey, you know what's awesome about TiVo? Fast forwarding through stupid Disney channel songs!
Hooray, Sesame Street float! There's Bob and Maria and Luis! That might not be Carroll Spinney in the Big Bird costume, but it's really Bob!
Hamburger Helper float honoring local heroes who get cats out of trees and someone named Jay Sean lip synching a bad song. Best float ever. And by "best" I mean "most random".
There's a Chinese-American community center in Hocasun, Delaware?
Stop putting bad singers of bad songs on floats, Macy's! Are you trying to make us thankful for NBC's regular programming?
The only person dressed like it's winter on any of these floats is the NYC Marathon winner. Presumably because he has no body fat.
Alan Cumming is singing "That's Life" in a thick Scottish accent on a float with M&Ms dressed as Broadway characters. Very. Best. Float! No, wait, don't move on, more Alan Cumming! Okay this is REALLY what TiVo is for.
Cyndi Lauper! This parade is definitely improving. Except that Cyndi was just interrupted for a commercial. Back to normal, bad parade.
Gloria Gaynor is singing "I Will Survive" for the 30th year. I wonder if she's grateful or sick of it? It probably depends on the day.
Who are Boys Like Girls? I'd feel like my own gran over how I don't know who anyone is, except that I don't think anyone else does either.
They're cutting all the songs short now. It wouldn't do to have the broadcast end before Santa shows up!
The Mach 5? What year is it again?
Call child protective services! 150 kids have been jump-roping for the whole parade! It must have been some kind of punishment.
Thanks to
melange428 I actually know what
Yo Gabba Gabba is.
Now there are a bunch of grandmas who tricycled from Ohio. For exactly 36 seconds of TV time. Might not have been worth it.
Ziggy Marley on a pirate ship! It's as though they picked floats and people out of a hat and just shoved them together. Good song, though.
Oneida Indians perform a smoke dance. I'd make some sort joke, except that I was distracted by how great they were. And they are followed by a marching band with a head majorette wearing an Indian war bonnet! O you wacky parade planners.
Jimmy Fallon lip synchs one line of every Christmas song he can think of. I'd say it fell flat but they all seemed to be having so much fun.
Snoopy balloon!
"People are crazy about Macy's Holiday Express as it chugs into view, & people are crazy about this next country music star!" Who proceeds to sing a song called "People Are Crazy". Whomever wrote that intro needs to get a raise immediately.
500 girls performing a dance with giant slinkies to the B-52s' "Planet Claire". Am I hallucinating this?
Toy Story 3 is about Andy going to college? Why do I have a feeling that I'll cry?
Apparently, an inflatable apple symbolizes New York City. Thanks, Matt Lauer!
Cheyanne Jackson is either really singing or is singing along with his pre-recorded track. Cheyanne Jackson is pretty awesome.
Wow, they introduce the police marching band, say what song they will play, and IMMEDIATELY cut to commercial!
Holmes as action hero isn't really canon, but it looks pretty cool.
Carly Simon sings "Let the River Run" on a float with ice skating Care Bears. Did she lose a bet?
Okay, the Rudolph/Aflac commercial is AWESOME!
Hello Kitty weighs the same as 3 apples? Aren't the Smurfs 3 apples tall? When did apples become the way to measure cartoon characters?
There are definitely too many effing songs in this parade. Andrea Boccelli singing White Christmas as Emily Hughes skates is the last straw.
And there are them appley Smurfs. Matt mentions the apples but doesn't bring it back to Hello Kitty. You gotta stay on your toes, Matt!
Kermit and some Disney girl sing "I Believe in Santa Claus". I'll bet I know what's coming up! Yes, it's the Pillsbury Dough Boy! Exactly who you would expect after the song "I Believe in Santa Claus". Well done.
And there he is, Santa! Who lip synchs his line differently than the line was recorded! I can't quite tell what he said, but it patently was NOT "Happy Thanksgiving to one and all"!
And after 78 tweets, the parade is over. Sorry if I over-tweeted, folks!